The Bird Flu Is Coming For You

Years ago Legionnaire's Disease was going to get us. It was a great mystery that started from a large number of people at an American Legion convention getting real sick, some dying. Turned out to be dirty air ducts in a cooling system. Then Herpes got everyone thinking the end was near, but AIDS came along and Herpes just got lost in all the hype. Still AIDS was going to kill us all. While waiting for HIV to come and find me, SARS reared it's ugly head. It turned out to have a short half life. Then something new.

Y2K, not a virus or bacteria, but a computer glitch. Ultimate Doom as a result of our reliance on machines. January 2000, no doom. Ah but then the real Ultimate Doom 9-11, human agency, Terrorists with suicide bombs, Anthrax, Dirty Bombs even WMDs! Still kicking four years later so it's back to virus'.

Bird Flu is coming. Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt says it will take six months to develop a vaccine so we all need to stuff our mattresses with cans of tuna.

OK so we were told to stockpile condoms for HIV, put in electric generators and stuff cash and food into our safe deposit boxes for Y2K, duct tape our windows against chemical and biological terror and now live on tuna for six weeks. Of course the H5N1 avian influenza virus needs to mutate into a human infecting form first. We all know that's inevitable, right?

Really what we need to have in anticipation of bird flu is a 55 gallon drum of frozen chicken wings and a pallet load of eggs. The likely event will be allot of dead chickens and just try and make twinkies without eggs. What will March Madness be without Buffalo Wings? Tuna? What does tuna cure bird flu? No, definitely eggs and wings.

Basil's